Let Them Go

It is the very nature of humanity to have relationships come and go throughout our lives. It is inevitable. Friends drift apart; lovers part ways. Our paths are not all aligned.

Over the past 20 years, I have had people who were inseparable companions meander away as their lives went in different directions. Some of these people I mourn the loss of more than others, some of them were much dearer to me than others. Some of them are the same person that I used to know while others have changed into unrecognizable people wearing a recognizable shell.

It is these, in the last category, that I find most unsettling and the hardest to resolve. The people who are absent because they have changed so much that the person I knew is no longer there inside.

One of the most difficult things to watch is someone following that path. Seeing who they are on the inside take a path that is changing them and distorting who they are all while they are unaware of it. Watching their identity slide away through currents of hypocrisy and rationalization as their ego tries to satisfy itself and preserve its self-identity is a painful process to witness.

It’s important for us all, especially those of us with complex interpersonal webs, to know that we cannot fix other people. We cannot stop their path when they refuse to acknowledge it themselves.

It’s equally important to know that we are allowed to let them go. YOU, yes you reading this, do NOT need to rescue other people from themselves. You have no responsibility to do that. A good friend will try to exert guidance; a good friend will try to point out the path. A good friend will, usually, contribute more energy than they should to prevent the self-destruction of someone they care about. But it is not the responsibility of the good friend to follow on the path. It’s ok to say “enough.” It’s ok to cut the cord and let the person follow their path into self-implosion. It’s ok to sever their access to you when their behavior becomes damaging to you and other people in your life.

It’s also ok to be there for them when their implosion is complete and they realize they have destroyed everything in their lives for nothing. It’s ok to reach out and say “I forgive you. Welcome back.”

What is not ok is to let them destroy you with them. It’s not ok to let them gaslight you or manipulate you. It’s not ok for them to project their own horrible behavior onto you and blame you. It’s not ok for them to take out their frustrations with others deciding that their behavior is horrible on you.

If someone turns toxic in your life it’s ok to let them go. You’ll feel guilty about it. But, I promise you, it’s ok to let them go.

If someone turns toxic… LET THEM GO. You cannot fix them; you can merely help those who are willing to accept it. If they are not willing to accept help: let them go.

Continuing Changes

Life is full of changes.
Often those changes are completely neutral on the Good-Bad spectrum.
Sometimes those changes are fantastic, other times they are terrible.
My job is going through changes some of which hold promise and others of which have me wary.

Time will tell which way things will go. I'm hoping that my employment situation brings positive changes.

This Will Be A Good Weekend

I am looking forward to my weekend.
It will be filled with people with whom I share many interests.
It will be filled with fun games.
It will be filled with visiting old friends I do not get to see often enough.

Everyone needs a weekend like the one I am expecting once in awhile.

What makes it even better is that Monday is a holiday. That means I get a day to recover from my weekend :-)

Posting is Hard

When I started this blog my intent was to build a habit of writing.
To write something EVERY (week)day.
To build a habit of writing in the hopes that it would make writing easier and easier over time.

The idea was that the more I wrote the more easily converting my thoughts to writing would be.

I have, however, encountered a problem with this.

The problem is that I found I was writing too much in a negative vein and that developing ideas that were more positive was (and still is) proving VERY difficult.

I am going to try to post more positive posts in the future, starting with this one where I am being optimistic that I will not only post more often, but more positively when I post

The Eternal Toy

When I was a kid I had LOTS of legos.
I actually still have nearly all of them but instead of being spread out over my bedroom floor they are in a trunk in the basement.

I went through phases where I preferred other toys, but I always went back to Legos.

There were many years that the Legos slept, quietly, waiting for my return but I always returned.

(This is NOT a non-sequitur, I promise) Another item that has influence my life greatly is the Star Wars world of science fantasy.

Things like this: http://www.thinkgeek.com/geek-kids/7-13-years/d473/ bring out my inner child. I want to spend money on this, and all of the other Lego sets that blend my love of Legos with my loves of other things from my childhood.

One a tangential note: I think that my love of Legos is derived from the same part of me that forces me to do what I do for work. I figure out solutions to problems all day long. Some days those solutions are looking to ensure that a computer is plugged in and other days those solutions fill a 4'x8' whiteboard in my office with theoretical infrastructure models that I want to make a reality. But the one underlying piece is the need to imagine something and then work through the problems to make it a reality. I think that is why Legos are the eternal toy for any engineer and why engineers do what they do.