Let Them Go

It is the very nature of humanity to have relationships come and go throughout our lives. It is inevitable. Friends drift apart; lovers part ways. Our paths are not all aligned.

Over the past 20 years, I have had people who were inseparable companions meander away as their lives went in different directions. Some of these people I mourn the loss of more than others, some of them were much dearer to me than others. Some of them are the same person that I used to know while others have changed into unrecognizable people wearing a recognizable shell.

It is these, in the last category, that I find most unsettling and the hardest to resolve. The people who are absent because they have changed so much that the person I knew is no longer there inside.

One of the most difficult things to watch is someone following that path. Seeing who they are on the inside take a path that is changing them and distorting who they are all while they are unaware of it. Watching their identity slide away through currents of hypocrisy and rationalization as their ego tries to satisfy itself and preserve its self-identity is a painful process to witness.

It’s important for us all, especially those of us with complex interpersonal webs, to know that we cannot fix other people. We cannot stop their path when they refuse to acknowledge it themselves.

It’s equally important to know that we are allowed to let them go. YOU, yes you reading this, do NOT need to rescue other people from themselves. You have no responsibility to do that. A good friend will try to exert guidance; a good friend will try to point out the path. A good friend will, usually, contribute more energy than they should to prevent the self-destruction of someone they care about. But it is not the responsibility of the good friend to follow on the path. It’s ok to say “enough.” It’s ok to cut the cord and let the person follow their path into self-implosion. It’s ok to sever their access to you when their behavior becomes damaging to you and other people in your life.

It’s also ok to be there for them when their implosion is complete and they realize they have destroyed everything in their lives for nothing. It’s ok to reach out and say “I forgive you. Welcome back.”

What is not ok is to let them destroy you with them. It’s not ok to let them gaslight you or manipulate you. It’s not ok for them to project their own horrible behavior onto you and blame you. It’s not ok for them to take out their frustrations with others deciding that their behavior is horrible on you.

If someone turns toxic in your life it’s ok to let them go. You’ll feel guilty about it. But, I promise you, it’s ok to let them go.

If someone turns toxic… LET THEM GO. You cannot fix them; you can merely help those who are willing to accept it. If they are not willing to accept help: let them go.

Windows XP

I like Windows XP.
Really. I like it a lot. I wish I could simply keep using it. It serves all of my needs and does what I want reliably.

But, stagnation isn't the way to survive, let alone thrive.
Windows 7 also meets my needs and has additional functions that some people will find very helpful.
I have yet to actually see Windows 8 in anything other than online video.


There are many people in the world still using Windows XP. As the above statements outline I understand this and I see their warranted belief in keeping an XP computer. The hardware is fast enough to do most everything they need and the capacity for storage is less of an issue in the age of "cloud" storage.

These feelings of wanting to keep what is current have legitimate roots but they are usually coupled with comments about the lack of warning and the "forced" nature of the upgrade.

The two side comments are completely illegitimate. XP is the operating system that has been in service the longest of any consumer-grade operating system. There is NOTHING forced about the new products coming along and the manufacturer working to create newer products that take advantage of the greater power of the newer hardware. That this is uncomfortable for you doesn't mean it's forced any more than having your car wear out after 10 years and you finally needing to replace it is the automobile manufacturer forcing an upgrade on you.

The lack of warning is also a fallacious assumption. On April 14th, 2009 Microsoft outlined that this product was being shifted into the End of Life phase of product support. That means that, for the last 1,820 days this product has been on a limited timetable and headed toward lack of support. That is 6 days shy of five years of warning that this product's life was to be terminated.

Put this in comparison - Windows 98, which is arguably the best predecessor to XP, had a lifespan that started on June 25th, 1998 and terminated on July 11th, 2006. 2,938 days in total. XP's 1,820 days in post-life maintenance seem completely respectable on this comparison alone but it becomes even more relevant when one considers the full lifespan that Microsoft has supported XP. XP was released on August 24th, 2001. The termination of it's support on April 8th, 2014 means it has been actively supported by Microsoft for 4,610 days.

If you're on the edge of complaining about this please reconsider and, before you do, consider whether or not you have other products that have had such a lengthy support cycle.... especially software products.

Then just be quiet.

(Additional note: I'm a MAC user at home. I CHOOSE to use a Mac over Windows. Even with this I am defending Microsoft of this decision because they've been MORE than fair to XP users).

Perception is a Powerful Force

As I have mentioned before, I work in I.T.

One problem that nearly EVERY I.T. department has in nearly EVERY organization is the public opinion of the other employees being weighted against the I.T. department.

While being something I do not understand it is something I MUST deal with.

Today there was a meeting in which the person who (for all intents and purposes) is my boss, his boss and another department head. I was NOT invited to this meeting. This meeting was to discuss problems with technology support in the other department head's facility. The problems discussed, so I was later informed, were not new but just a re-hashing of problems already discussed (to me this means that the department head is still not happy that he did not get his way after earlier discussions).

One of the things that came up was that no one knows what I.T. workers actually DO. All that they see is when things do NOT work. All that they see are the things that haven't been done yet. All that they see is that something on their computer broke and no one has helped them fix it yet. This is a problem with ANY organization that has an internal I.T. department. Unless the department is OVERstaffed there will be people who have to wait for service to be completed (in my experience if there is an abundance of help then users become lazier and lazier about trying ANYTHING for themselves so the problem actually does not go away with more staffing).
One comment that was made by an anonymous someone (e.g. neither I, nor my defacto boss know whom) was that I, apparently, did nothing over the summer except shoot my bow (I am an archer) all day long. This infuriates me. Yes, I shot my bow (the fitness and recreation department here has archery equipment). Yes I shot it nearly daily. I shot between 44 and 55 rounds with it (I only have 11 arrows). The total time I spent doing archery on days with good weather: 45 minutes. The total time I spent on a lunch break: 45 minutes.  If I take a break from work and do something CONSTRUCTIVE with my time (e.g. archery is good strength exercise AND a skill to boost hand - eye coordination) then that is my decision.

What people NEVER manage to see are the other aspects of their I.T. departments.
For example: today I arrived at work at 7:45 AM. I am writing this as an automated task is finishing up (can't leave until it is done, but too late to start anything new) at 6:30 pm. I took a half-hour lunch break where I discussed the aforementioned meeting with my defacto boss. That's a 10 hour and 45 minute work day. No one notices when I, or any of my staff put in 10 hours of (unpaid) overtime a week for three consecutive weeks to get a project done. No one understands or accepts that, perhaps, it is not the I.T. guys who had the problem when a project is not finished on time... but that it MIGHT be further up the chain (e.g. I recently had 7.5 person-weeks of work dumped on me with no warning that, had a decision been made in June, would have been 1 person-week of work).

Everyone is so quick to blame the I.T. staff when decisions regarding usage don;t go their way or when decisions regarding policy are too constrictive. I understand this; what I fail to understand is why they are so forgiving with every other department. Why is the I.T. department the one that is heavily persecuted while all of the others are forgiven so easily? Why is the most over-worked department the one that gets the least leniency?

One of the most lenient and forgiving people at my employer was frustrated with the I.T. staff until he moonlighted with us for a few weeks. He was startled and amazed at the logistics we have to run and the sheer volume of work that we have to complete to make ANYONE happy.  Seeing that experience makes me wish I could require ALL complaintive users to work as one of my employees for one week in our busiest month.

If you are reading this and have a computer issue at work please consider how busy your I.T. staff are. They probably work A LOT harder than you could imagine.

It makes me sad to post this post. I REALLY did not want to turn this blog into a complaint forum.
Sadly, for the month of September I can expect total chaos and excessive stress about work. It's just the way my job goes.