Perception and Being Wronged

A bit less than 13 months ago I ended a relationship. I killed it. I put it down.

It was the right thing to do. The relationship had been in a stable place of undeadness for nearly five years after a rapid courtship and more than four years of decline from the initial relationship energy into a stable, cohabitative friendship.

About the time that it crossed over into being undead my (now) ex approached me about making out relationship open. There is a lot more to the story than that simple statement and, maybe one day, I will write it all out, too (or, maybe, I have... I don't really go back and review my old posts). This post is not about all of that.

This post is about today.

Facebook is an interesting place. There are meshes and interconnecting networks of people who carry differing levels of loyalty to their connected contacts. Facebook is filled with secrets and it is filled with spies. Some of the spies do their espionage to generate drama just as some of the secrets are kept for the same reason... but, others... others do their spy work because they feel they are doing the right thing.

Today I was asked if the right my ex was selling was the engagement ring.

I, of course, new nothing about it as I unfollowed my ex years before we actually broke up (for reasons that are better-suited to the other post that may or may not exist). I popped over to her feed (as we are still Facebook friends) and did not see any post about it. Obviously, it was a secret being kept from me.

This secret did not bother me terribly much. My spy friend sent me a screen shot and I verified that it was the engagement ring to appease my spy friend's curiosity. This generated a mild annoyance.

What created the anger that I am currently experiencing was when a second friend inquired about the related post. The post where it was implied that I valued our relationship very little based on how little I spent on the ring initially. This lit a fury inside me for several reasons.

FIRST - I bought the ring for her despite our financial situation being very tight and difficult. Our situation was difficult because she had quit work and gone to school and I was supporting her during this process.

SECOND - I also supported her participating HEAVILY in the SCA. I supported her when she took stops all over the Kingdom that we live in (which included leaving the country) and I supported her when she travelled across the continent to events that were far away. I provided the financial support for her to do this.

THIRD - The ring I bought was aligned with her aesthetic choices. It was not price-gouged as an "engagement" ring because it was not all diamond. It was amethyst because that is what she wanted.

FOURTH - One of her spies gained word that I was planning a proposal and told her because, at that time, she was planning to LEAVE ME (I discovered this later). It ruined the proposal but, when we discussed what I had planned for the proposal later, she accepted the ring anyway (I still did not know she had been planning to LEAVE).

FIFTH - She NEVER wore the fucking thing anyway.

All of this enrages me but it pales in comparison to the main reason I ended the relationship. That reason is that, amidst all of her travels that I paid for, she didn't tell people I even existed. I am re-entering the SCA and I am meeting people she has interacted with for YEARS who have NO IDEA who I am. They don't seem to have any comprehension that my ex HAD SOMEONE AT HOME funding her activities; someone at home who was staying with HER dog so that she could go. Someone at home who was being discarded and abandoned so that she could galavant around the known world and have the fun she wanted.

I am angry not because of the ring. I am angry because the only time anyone heard of me was when she was complaining. I am angry because she was never truly grateful for what I gave her. I am angry because I was used without any sense of remorse.... but, more importantly, I am angry because she is unable to see and acknowledge ANY of it.

I'm angry and there is nothing I can do to fix it. Actions in the past are what they are. Actions in the past cannot be undone.

I'm angry and it's my right to be so.

I'm angry.