Biggest suggestions would be to have either more spaced out paragraph breaks, or tabs. The other more macro note would be, the reveal seems to come about halfway into the story. It takes away some of the punch. I would be tempted to save the reveal to closer to the end...
Biggest suggestions would be to have either more spaced out paragraph breaks, or tabs. The other more macro note would be, the reveal seems to come about halfway into the story. It takes away some of the punch. I would be tempted to save the reveal to closer to the end...
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