May all who hear my message beware this tale for it
is a tale of conspiracy and adventure and betrayal as perpetrated by our
dearest allies – dogs.
Our tale begins in times deep in the ancient
history, this past Tuesday, when an allotment of alcoholic root beer was brought
forth from the foreign land of “the store” to the vast empire of the dogs. In
the time that passed since the arrival of the grand beverage many meals were
consumed by the mystical beings known as “Mama” and “Papa” on the magical table
of coffee, upon which all consumables are placed; NEVER to be touched by any of
the dog realm.
Peace reigned through the land for many times until
a grand opportunity arose. Yester eve there was a bottle of the magical elixir
of the mystical beings left, unattended, on this magic table. Lord enforcer,
Eirik, snoozed quietly on his preferred throne of the squishy couch cushions
when the two rapscallions, Ms. Ellie and Young Master Ender, opted to cavort in
the play of puppies and ran about the entire realm not once, not twice, perhaps
even more than thrice in a circular fashion. In their playful rambunctiousness one
of these younger citizens of the realm discovered the unattended bottle of
magical Mama elixir and opted to investigate it. This activity, far from being
encouraged, is against one of the paramount commandments of the realm. This
commandment, of course, being issued forth as “get off the table” by the
mystical and benevolent rulers of all. With neither Mama nor Papa present
little Master Ender took the opportunity to investigate the contents of the
bottle. In doing so he also experimented, although it was likely unintentional,
with the physics of how a bottle can remain upright and the volume of force
required to overturn the moment of inertia as the center of gravity is shifted.
With a sudden “thunk” the bottle
overturned itself, spilling forth a vast fountain of the magical beverage
contained within. A beverage coveted by the citizens of the realm for it is a
beverage that MUST be special since Mama won’t let them have any. The fountain
poured with wild abandon onto the table of coffee and cascaded into a beerfall
over the edge and onto the floor.
Ever-vigilant, Ms Ellie,
immediately leaped into action to “help”
the situation. She sacrificed herself as a mop by placing her head directly
under the waterfall with obvious intent to soak up as much of the spilled
liquid as possible so that neither Mama, nor Papa, would have to clean it. When
this effort proved insufficient to remedy the situation she began her
additional efforts to clean the spilled liquid from the floor as she would
clean water from her bowl. Young Master Ender, an impressionable youth to be
certain, saw Ellie’s noble efforts to prevent the mess from growing and joined
her in her efforts to clean the mess from the floor and surface of the table of
coffee.
After an age, perhaps 10 whole
minutes, Mama returned to the scene to find the vast adventure completed and
the clean-up efforts nearly terminated as well. She, contrary to the intent of
the perfectly innocent members of the canine realm, was not pleased with what
they had accomplished in her absence. She relinquished their freedom to the
dungeons of “time out” and asked Papa to carry out the sentence.
Meanwhile, Eirik looked on, paw
on face, with a mild level of amusement. Once could almost hear him saying “I
told you so” to his younger companions as they were escorted away.
This morrow brought new light to
the situation and brought a fresh dawn to the lives of the canine citizens. All
is forgiven and, yet, Ellie’s fate has not been completed for, tonight, she
must face the wrath of “bath time” to clear the remnants of her efforts from
the top of her head.
